Many people hesitate to approach
the people they want to meet at gatherings because they aren’t sure what to
say. My strategies for breaking the ice and making an impression...
• Don’t worry about
trying to say something clever. Successful networkers don’t waste time trying
to think of a mind-blowing opening line. They just walk over and make a simple
comment to establish common ground. Then they quickly use that small talk to
pave the way to big talk. I’ve
seen major deals consummated in conversations that started with comments as
simple as “Boy, it’s hot here” or “I hear you’re a baseball fan,
too.” When I want to approach
someone in a crowd, without seeming as if I’m barging in on the conversation,
I’ll walk up to the group and say, “May I join you, or is this a private
conversation?” Usually, I’m welcomed to the group. Once
I’m part of the discussion, I immediately turn my attention mentally to my
target person. After a few minutes of group conversation, I try to engage the
person I wish to meet with either a question or a comment directed specifically
to him/her.
• Make it easy for people
to remember your name. When you introduce yourself at a social event, most
people won’t recall your name if you say it just once.
Studies show that people
usually forget the first 15 words of a conversation.
My
way: I introduce myself by name as
soon as I meet someone—but I assume he won’t remember it.
Once we’ve had a chance to talk for a minute, I’ll say. “I don’t
know if you caught my name, It’s Tina Flaherty.” This saves the person the
embarrassment of having to ask for my name again, and it increases the chances
that he will remember it later.
• Spend at least five
minutes with each person you meet before you move on. This is enough time to
establish a bond without seeming rushed.
When
to part sooner: if the
other person starts glancing around the room looking at his watch...or showing
signs of anxiety, such as fidgeting or tensing his jaw.
• Spend 80% of the time
listening. . .20% talking. Contrary to what you might think about the
importance of selling yourself aggressively, the best way to win over a new
acquaintance is to pay close attention to what he’s saying.
Listening is the best way to show someone you’re interested in his
ideas. When you do speak, the most
effective way to make an impression is with an attention-getting opinion.
If you’re dealing with someone more senior than you, however, it’s
best to direct the conversation to him by starting with a compliment.
• Keep your business
cards in a pocket, not inside a handbag or wallet. You won’t have to waste
valuable time scrambling for your cards when you meet someone, who may have only
a few minutes to chat with you.
• Break away gracefully.
If you’re speaking to someone with higher seniority at a business event, use
an exit line that is deferential to his status.
Example:
“Listen, I don’t want to
monopolize your time. I know there are a lot of other people here who would like
to talk with you,” and then move on. In
most other situations, it’s fine to say, “Will you excuse me? It’s been
great talking with you. I see someone I need to speak to.
Bottom, Line Personal interviewed Tina Santi Flaherty founder of Image Marketing international, a global marketing firm, 1040 Fifth Ave., New York 10028. She is author of Talk Your Way to the Top and The Savvy Woman’s Success Bible (Perigee).
Bottom Line Sept 15 1999
Volume 20
Number 18